Embracing the Moments Before Loss

In May 2024, my world changed when my mother was diagnosed with metastatic stage 4 breast cancer. Rather than pursuing chemotherapy or other Western medical treatments, she made the courageous choice to focus on natural healing. Despite her diagnosis, she has managed her health well, staying active and vibrant. She travels, spends time with family, and lives each day fully. And though she’s thriving, a part of me still worries about the “what if” that lingers in the back of my mind.

Living in the shadow of that “what if” has introduced me to anticipatory grief—a type of grief experienced before an actual loss. This unique experience has allowed me to process my mental and emotional state ahead of time, preparing myself for the possibility of what’s to come, and finding ways to appreciate life more deeply.

The Initial Shock: Helplessness and Sadness

When I first heard the news, I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. It broke my heart knowing there was nothing I could do to restore her health to what it once was. I found myself crying often, unable to focus on daily life, constantly consumed by worry for her well-being. It’s hard to explain the grief that floods your mind, even when the person you’re grieving is still very much alive.

But as time passed, I started to come to terms with her diagnosis. Accepting the reality of her illness brought me to a place of gratitude—gratitude for the time we still have together, gratitude for her resilience, and gratitude for each day we share. It’s as if the sadness transformed into an awareness that life is precious and that every moment matters.

Balancing Hope and Fear

I know that one day, death will come for each of us, and I often find myself asking, “Am I ready for it?” I hold onto hope that my mother will have more time with us than her doctor’s projections, but there is also a quiet fear that the day could arrive sooner than we’d like. It’s a challenging balance, one that has made me more attentive, more present.

This delicate balance motivates me to cherish every moment with her. We have meaningful conversations, make memories, and share laughter. My kids get to spend more quality with her and that makes her happy. I’m also finding comfort in taking time to prepare emotionally. Anticipatory grief, for all its pain, has given me the opportunity to say goodbye in small ways, to express love while she’s here, and to let go slowly over time.

Respecting Her Choice for Natural Healing

My mother’s decision to pursue natural healing instead of chemotherapy initially left me with mixed emotions, but today, I can say that I am grateful. Chemo would have taken a harsh toll on her body, and I’m relieved that she has chosen a path that aligns with her values and allows her to live life fully. She’s committed to using homeopathy remedies to allow her body to heal. It is supporting her health and slowing down the disease’s progress, giving her body a chance to heal in its own way.

I’m reminded that healing can take many forms. For anyone facing a similar decision, my advice is this: don’t rush. Allow time for both the patient and the family to process the news, explore options, and make decisions with clarity. Cancer does not have to mean the end of life. Our bodies are resilient, and there are multiple avenues to pursue health and hope.

Embracing the Process of Letting Go

As difficult as it is, anticipatory grief has given me the strength to face what lies ahead, to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, and to appreciate each day I have with my mother. I’m learning that letting go doesn’t mean giving up hope—it means coming to terms with reality, finding peace, and making space for love and gratitude.

For anyone experiencing anticipatory grief, I encourage you to be present. Spend time with your loved one, create memories, and share your heart. Allow yourself to process this time as it comes, and know that grief can be as much about love as it is about loss.